Author Archives: Justin

About Justin

Author, mammal. www.captainsupermarket.com

A Now Fear This Roundup

Posted on January 6, 2017 by Justin

I’m planning to spend most of this week drinking, and frankly, that gets in the way of long, rambling, and expletive-filled reviews. Fortunately, in the seven years Now Fear This has been alive and well, I’ve written a lot of … Continue reading →

Posted in Projected Pixels and Emulsion | Tagged 28 Weeks Later, All Cheerleaders Die, Angel Heart, Attack the Block, Bad Milo!, Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon, Bone Tomahawk, Breakdown, Brotherhood of the Wolf, Bubba Ho-Tep, cast a deadly spell, Cellular, Centurion, Changeling, Chillerama, Cube, Dark City, Dawn of the Dead, Death Machine, Deep Rising, Dick, Dog Soldiers, Doomsday, Drop Dead Gorgeous, Feast, Fido, Frailty, Freddy vs. Jason, From the Dark, Ginger Snaps, Ginger Snaps 2: Unleashed, Gremlins 2: The New Batch, Insidious, Insidious Chapter 2, Ironclad, Joe Versus the Volcano, Josie and the Pussycats, Killer Klowns from Outer Space, Lost Soul: The Doomed Journey of Richard Stanley's Island of Dr. Moreau, May, Mute Witness, My Boyfriend's Back, Nightbreed: The Director's Cut, Now Fear This, Outlander, Pontypool, Predators, Pumpkinhead, Rare Exports, Ravenous, Raze, Series 7: The Contenders, Session 9, Splice, Stake Land, Stir of Echoes, Streets of Fire, Teeth, The Bay, The Brood, The Changeling, The Company of Wolves, The Descent, The Ghost and the Darkness, The Gift, The Hitcher, The House of the Devil, The Innkeepers, The Midnight Meat Train, The Missing, The Mist, The Purge: Anarchy, The Sacrament, The Strangers, The Stuff, The Thin Blue Line, The Witch, Them!, Trollhunter, Tucker & Dale vs. Evil, What We Do in the Shadows, You're Next | Leave a comment

A Bad Movie Roundup

Posted on December 30, 2016 by Justin

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! If you’re anything like me, you love terrible films. In the bad movie club to which I belong, Yakmala, we’ve watched a lot of truly awful crimes against good taste. Here are some reviews … Continue reading →

Posted in Puffery | Tagged After Earth, After Last Season, Alex Cross, Ator the Fighting Eagle, Barbarian Queen, Battle of the Year, Battlefield Earth, Blood Freak, Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo, breaking dawn part 1, breaking dawn part 2, Bride of the Monster, Catwoman, color of night, Deathstalker, Delinquent Daughters, devil, Diamond Ninja Force, Double Down, Dreamcatcher, eclipse, Escape from Galaxy 3, Exterminator City, Fantastic Four, Fateful Findings, Fireproof, Flashdance, From Justin to Kelly, Glen or Glenda, Gor, Gymkata, in the name of the king, Jaws: The Revenge, Judge Dredd, Kindergarten Ninja, man of steel, Manos The Hands of Fate, New Moon, Next, Ninja III: The Domination, Ninja Thunderbolt, No Holds Barred, North, Omoo-Omoo the Shark God, Paparazzi, Passion Play, Perfect Stranger, Pink Force Commando, Plan 9 from Outer Space, prometheus, Quigley, Revenge of the Red Baron, Samurai Cop, Sex Madness, Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones, Starcrash, Stealth, steel, Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li, Street Trash, sucker punch, superman iii, Superman iv the Quest for Peace, Swimfan, The Avengers, The Beaver, The Cocaine Fiends, The Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course, The Hand That Rocks the Cradle, The Human Centipede, The Spirit, The Vampire Raiders, The Warrior and the Sorceress, Tiptoes, Troll 2, Tuff Turf, twilight, vampire dentist, Warrior of the Lost World, Winter's Tale, Yakmala!, Yor the Hunter from the Future | Leave a comment

Yakmala: Jaws: The Revenge

Posted on December 23, 2016 by Justin

The original Jaws is a better movie than Mother Theresa is a person. That’s either the most or least controversial thing I’ve ever said, depending on who you are, but I’ll stand by it. The sequels, though, range from pointless … Continue reading →

Posted in Projected Pixels and Emulsion | Tagged exploding shark, jaws, Jaws: The Revenge, shark stalking on vacation, voodoo shark, What are you doing here shark?, Yakmala! | 1 Comment

Liner Notes: The Daughter Gambit

Posted on December 16, 2016 by Justin

My first attempt at a League of Magi comic book story was a globe-trotting affair starring some of the characters that have already played a part in Coldheart. It was terrible. Like, unreadably bad. Characters reciting “as you know” exposition … Continue reading →

Posted in Level Up, Puffery | Tagged Coldheart, League of Magi, Liner notes, The Daughter Gambit | Leave a comment

Lifetime Theater: Below the Surface

Posted on December 9, 2016 by Justin

I don’t even know with this one. I can’t even think of a nicely vague statement about writing, or the Lifetime Network, or even maritime disasters that can come close to my opinions on this movie. Because I don’t even … Continue reading →

Posted in Projected Pixels and Emulsion | Tagged Below the Surface, fighting sharks, Jenny Wade, lifetime movies, Lifetime network, Lifetime Theater | Leave a comment

Now Fear This: All Cheerleaders Die

Posted on December 2, 2016 by Justin

Satire is a tightrope. Go too far in one direction, and all subtlety, and more importantly the teeth, is gone. Go too far in the other, and you’re just parroting the point of view of whatever it is you’re poking … Continue reading →

Posted in Projected Pixels and Emulsion | Tagged All Cheerleaders Die, Chris Sivertson, horror comedy, Lucky McKee, Now Fear This | 1 Comment

Yakmala: Warrior of the Lost World

Posted on November 25, 2016 by Justin

Thanks to the runaway success of George Miller’s The Road Warrior (or Mad Max 2, if you’re Australian), for a brief, shining moment back in the early ‘80s, every hack with a camera was heading out to some dusty backwater … Continue reading →

Posted in Projected Pixels and Emulsion, Yakmala! | Tagged Donald Pleasance, Megaweapon, Robert Ginty, talking motorcycle | 2 Comments