Tread Perilously — Full House: My Left And Right Foot

Tread Perilously’s examination of ABC’s TGIF lineup continues with an episode of Full House called “My Left and Right Foot.”

When DJ, Stephanie and Kimmy Gibbler make fun of her feet — which a shoe salesman tells them are slightly larger than average for a girl her age — Michelle gets extreme anxiety; leading to stress dreams and a radical solution. Meanwhile, Uncle Jesse has to tell Becky that she cannot be part of his trio with Joey and Danny because her voice is terrible. Will he be able to teach her how to harmonize?

Sarah Madden joins Erik and Justin for a stroll down dim 1990s memories. Justin freaks out when he realizes Full House is a Dune-sized epic. Erik refuses to use Dave Coulier’s catchphrase. Sarah schools Erik on his unkind use of “Yoko” as a verb. He conjures up memories of the short-lived sitcom You Again? while Sarah introduces an unseen terror lurking in Michelle’s dream. Justin discusses the relative ease in changing a diaper. The team decides the Tanner mom is from Perfect Stranger‘s Mypos and died in a comical accident either involving a fat fryer or many goats. They also come to the startling realization that Dave Coulier’s head does indeed look like a toe.

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Tread Perilously — Perfect Strangers: The Gazebo

Tread Perilously enters the realm of ABC’s TGIF sitcom block with its first series, Perfect Strangers and the seventh season episode “The Gazebo.”

Balki and Larry’s attempts to build a gazebo in the back yard remind their wives of a famous comedy duo from the Golden Age of Hollywood. Balki and Larry transform into Laurel and Hardy in a bizarre simulacrum devoid of humor. Faces get smashed, concrete gets poured and the construction project seemingly goes awry. Hilarity does not ensue.

Erik and Justin stare into the heart of darkness. Justin learns about Perfect Strangers key role in turning Friday into a family comedy night on ABC. Erik offers his first thoughts on Anson Mount as Star Trek: Discovery‘s Captain Christopher Pike. It leads to a digression about Star Trek. The pair end up watching the first episode of Perfect Strangers to figure out why “The Gazebo” was devoid of anything funny. Some classic comedy rules are defined while the fictional island of Mypos is explored. Erik co-opts a certain famous catchphrase to prove a point. An attempt at an Alfred Hitchcock impression fails miserably while Erik and Justin try to determine if Laurel and Hardy were actually funny. The ancient art of the Sick Burn returns and The Simpsons episode “Cape Feare” is praised as the pinnacle of half-hour comedy.

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Tread Perilously — Melrose Place: Catch Her In The Lie

Tread Perilously closes out its primetime soap month with a visit to Melrose Place and its fourth season episode, “Catch Her In The Lie.”

When Jake gets mad that Allison is spending too much time at the office while pregnant, he sets off on the road and ends up in a Central Coast town where one of his ex-girlfriends is raising a boy who might be Jake’s son. Meanwhile, Peter and Taylor try to carry on an affair, but are stymied by ex-wives, schedules and overly-concerned employees. Micheal agrees to sleep with Kimberly one more time before she dies, leaving Megan feeling like an afterthought.

Erik and Justin get into Los Angeles geography and the Melrose of the 1990s. Earth-tone lipstick, denim hats and Doc Martens are fondly recalled. Jake gets identified as the Wolverine of the cast while Grant Show gets identified as a prototype Jensen Ackles. Heather Locklear gets another spotlight. Erik discusses the backdoor pilot format of the 80s and 90s. The 4400‘s Billy Campbell ends up a topic thanks to a character name. Erik and Justin envision the Smuckers War. 1990s male hairstyles get reviewed and Justin irrationally decides Andrew Shue is the show’s real villain. Also, Kelly Rutherford always deserves better.

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Tread Perilously — Beverly Hills, 90210: The Nature of Nurture

Tread Perilously makes a course-correction to the 1990s with the Fox primetime soap Beverly Hills, 90210 and its latter-day episode, “The Nature of Nurture.”

Kelly (Jennie Garth) looses her cool when the semi-orphaned child she brought to child protective services gets placed with a gay couple. Is she a bigot like the child’s mother or will the series excuse her homophobic tendencies? Brandon (Jason Priestley) tries to stop Steve (Sharknado‘s Ian Ziering) from placing cigarette ads in their newspaper. David (Brian Austin Green) bonds with his new next-door neighbor, who happens to be a former guitar god. Valerie’s (Tiffani Thiesen) mother starts dating Kelly’s father, only freshly out of prison. Meanwhile, Steve pretends to be another man to woo a woman he met via mail fraud. It’s as terrible as it sounds. Also, Lindsay Price appears in this episode.

Erik and Justin immediately get lost in a discussion of The CW, Clone Wars and Justin’s interest in the Disney+ streaming service. Erik tries to define the difference between a primetime drama and a primetime soap. He also makes a pitch to become a professor of television at an accredited university, but then slams his alma mater. Both discuss the problem of TV shows set in college and high school shows attempting to pivot to college settings. Also, Erik and Justin try to pitch the perfect Paul Rudd sitcom for 1998.

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Tread Perilously — Dynasty: The Test

Tread Perilously’s investigation of primetime soaps continues with an episode from Dynasty‘s seventh season called “The Test.”

When Krystle and Blake Carrington’s daughter Christine collapses into a coma, the rest of the Carringtons set aside their own problems to carry out a vigil at the hospital. Of course, she wakes up moments later and life resumes while Krystle and Blake await the results of Christine’s latest tests. Blake’s younger son Steven is handed the reigns of the family business, but his mind is more on his son and the possible restoration of his relationship with Sammy Jo (Heather Locklear). Older son Adam is trying to get married, but expects his mother, Alexis Morell Carrington Colby Dexter Rowan (Joan Collins), will try to stop it. Alexis, for her part, has problems of her own as the Carringtons’ former chauffeur tries to get into her company’s business … and her private affairs as well.

Justin learns why he is familiar with Dynasty stars John Forsythe, Linda Evans, and Joan Collins despite never watching an episode before. Erik keeps teasing Dynasty II: The Colbys. Both go on a long tangent about actor Jack Coleman, who plays Steven Carrington. Erik tries to remember the name of the Christian Slater/Marissa Tomei movie in which he has a baboon heart. They also devise a movie about Gwyneth Paltrow learning emotions. Ted McGinley’s Clay Fallmont gets a special mentions and Erik and Justin discuss the celebrity of Heather Locklear. Also, Grievous the Insult Comic Droid makes his debut.

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Tread Perilously — Roswell: Control

Tread Perilously continues its primetime soaps months with the late 90s sci-fi teen drama Roswell. Specifically, a third season episode called “Control.”

As Max continues his attempt to save his son, his journey leads him to a big shot Hollywood producer who happens to be one of the shapeshifting bodyguards sent to protect him fifty years prior. When Max discovers the producer must obey his direct orders, they plan to steal their UFO back from a nearby Air Force base. Meanwhile, Isabel is stunned to discover no one is excited about her upcoming wedding to Jesse. Also, Liz and Maria are in this episode.

Erik and Justin quickly get derailed to discuss Star Trek, which was also a UPN series for a time. They also express their puzzlement over Ronald D. Moore’s producer role on Outlander. Colin Hanks gets compared to Chloe Sullivan, but NOT Allison Mack. Erik suspects Roswell may have been the source of some of Twilight‘s characters and structure. Both are surprised by Jason Behr’s performance. They also cannot figure out why everyone is mad at Max and Isabel’s adoptive mother. A close-up look at one scene leads Justin to soften his opinion on Katherine Heigl and Erik recalls the interim technology of the early 21st Century.

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Tread Perilously — Dallas: Shadow Games

Tread Perilously begins a month of primetime soaps with the 1980s classic Dallas and an episode called “Shadow Games.”

J.R. Ewing realizes a land deal his mother has been working on is being brokered by a shadowy bank. He is also trying to take control of Ewing Oil from Pamela, who’s gone to South America with guest star Marc Singer. And somehow, he finds the time to keep his cousin Jack out of trouble. Meanwhile, Sue Ellen plans a charity auction, Clayton Farlow’s worthiness comes into question and Donna Krebbs tells Miss Ellie an important secret. Back in South America, Pamela gets kidnapped. Also, Jenna Wade isn’t over Bobby Ewing.

Justin tries to avoid talking about Dallas by invoking Twin Peaks. Erik points out the show’s obsession with master-closeup-reverse. Both turn into budget-minded TV producers as they notice the cost-cutting methods of the show. Larry Hagman’s subdued performance surprises them both. The conspicuous consumption of the characters leads to a treatise on economics. Justin finds a shocking darkness within the soul of Miss Ellie. Both try to determine why Victoria Principal was mostly absent from the episode. Justin also decides retroactively declaring the season a dream was a good idea and Erik recalls Jock Ewing.

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