Tread Perilously — A Very Brady Christmas

Tread Merrily continues with Justin’s first-ever look at the Brady Bunch in A Very Brady Christmas.

After Mike and Carol play out a very goofy version of the Gift of the Magi, they decide to bring all the kids home for Christmas. The kids decide to come, but bring plenty of grown-up baggage with them. Marcia’s husband Wally lost his job, Peter can’t deal with his girlfriend being his boss, Bobby is secretly training to be a race car driver, Cindy is tired of being thought of as a kid, and Greg misses his wife. Also, Jan and her husband Philip are breaking up. Can the Brady warmth and the Christmas Spirit solve their holiday woes?

Erik and Justin praise Gary Cole’s spot-performance as Mike Brady in the Brady feature films. They also decide Mike Brady would have a heart-to-heart with Peter about colonoscopies. Erik declares it wouldn’t be prudent to discuss George H.W. Bush. Justin recalls the rough-and-tumbles days of the late ’80s. He also realizes just how weird “The Gift of the Magi” really is. Marcia’s husband Wally gets called out, as does Greg’s mustache. Jan and Philip’s marriage problems turn out to be too realistic for a Brady special and Erik ties fake-Cindy back to Charles in Charge.

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Tread Perilously — Doctor Who: The Snowmen

Tread Merrily begins three weeks of Christmas specials with the Doctor Who story “The Snowmen.”

Despite isolating himself from the universe, The Doctor finds himself drawn to a mystery in 1892 London. He and a barmaid named Clara note snowmen appearing around the city are threatening people. Meanwhile, Dr. Simeon of the Great Intelligence Institute is planning to capture the ice form of a dead governess from a well-off family. The family’s current governess also happens to be Clara. But what does she have to do with Oswin Oswald, a woman the Doctor previously met at the Asylum of the Daleks?

Erik and Justin attempt to piece together Simeon’s family life. They also create Thaddeus Covington, Lord Berwick; the inventor of the Orphan Compressor. Erik extols the virtues of Sam Neill’s performance as Damien in The Final Conflict. Justin nominates Karen Gillan for Queen of Scots. He also makes the argument for non-contemporary companions. Clara is deemed to be a better companion than Clara. Erik talks about his recent visit to the set of DC’s Legends of Tomorrow. The discussion leads to a critique of refusing the call to adventure and the difference between fridging a character and “barbecuing” them. Also, Justin pronounces his judgment on the Paternoster Gang.

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Tread Perilously — Remington Steele: Blood Is Thicker Than Steele

Tread Perilously adds Remington Steele to its rotation with an episode they had to call “Blood is Thicker Than Steele.”

Laura Holt and Remington Steele are hired to protect the children of a rich ex-patriot whose dubious dealings with the Greykirk Corporation make him a star witness in a federal case against the company. Pretending to be tour guides, they try their best to escort the kids to meet him at the Phoenix courthouse, but with the older son hot for Laura and Remington Steele going to war with the younger daughter, their 48-hour trip becomes a trial all its own.

Justin discovers yet another 1980s television classic. Erik once again deploys his Walter Donovan impression. Justin and Erik discuss best practices in regards to knee-touching. Erik points out the important difference between Chuck E. Cheese and Showbiz Pizza. Justin creates the standing order of “See A Clown, Put ‘Em Down.” Erik suggests quips for Remington Steele as he lacks a good witty comeback game. The discussion inevitably leads to Mass Effect and Red Dead Redemption 2. Justin doubts children like Key Lime Pie. Pierce Brosnan’s Bond gets dissected. Erik makes a trip to his geography corner and Justin quotes Multiple Miggs.

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Tread Perilously — 7th Heaven: Last Call For Aunt Julie

Tread Perilously once again observes Thanksgiving with an episode of The WB’s long-running family drama 7th Heaven. This year’s episode: “Last Call for Aunt Julie.”

Reverend Camden’s sister Julie comes to Glenoak for a family Thanksgiving. She’s all smiles and jokes, but something seems off. Her long term boyfriend stayed back East, she expresses displeasure with her life and career to Annie, and Simon notices she drinks a lot of wine. Annie, being Annie, noses into Julie’s affairs and discovers her drinking problem just as she tries to throttle Simon for the key to the family wine case. Will the Reverend and his family offer Julie aid or will they let her rot on the street? It could prove to be their toughest Thanksgiving yet.

Erik and Justin discuss the difficulties in casting Wolverine and Clive Owen’s American accent. Justin tries to determine what is really wrong with Lucy. Erik endeavors to recall what one could do with $40 in 1996 money. He also reminisces about cheap store brand liquor. Both dissect the majesty of Airplane!‘s “drinking problem” joke. Justin declares Erik the classier of the Tread Perilously duo. A new round of Secret Drifter leads to a surprising revelation and Erik outlines the five stages of the TV drunk.

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Tread Perilously — Manimal: Female of the Species

Tread Perilously once again returns to its examination of NBC’s short-lived series Manimal with its fourth episode, “Female of the Species.”

When a young woman raised by wolves escapes from confinement, Manimal takes on the case. He’s convinced she had a human identity at one time and works to help her access it. Meanwhile, goons on behalf a mysterious businessman try to kill her. Is she the long-lost daughter of a well-to-do Manhattanite? Was the seemingly accidental destruction of her family’s boat more intentional than anyone thought? And will Manimal return her amorous advances once she decides he’s a worthy mate?

Erik and Justin dissect some of the inadvertent racist stereotypes on display during a film of Wolf Girl’s capture. Erik tries to determine the exact level of sleaziness in one of the supporting characters. Justin makes a bold stance on doggy-style jokes (for the duration of the episode). A group of goons become William H. Macy at various stages of his career. Justin spots Titanic‘s Gloria Stuart as a bag lady in one scene. Erik’s knowledge of Los Angeles geography trips him up as Manimal takes place in New York. Manimal’s home gets reviewed and Justin derails everything with “Johnson’s Johnson.”

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Tread Perilously — Tequila And Bonetti: The Rose Cadillac

Tread Perilously returns once again to the bizarre CBS series Tequila and Bonetti with its third episode, “The Rose Cadillac.”

When visiting Detective Nico Bonetti’s rose-colored Cadillac gets stolen by a car thief played by Star Trek: Voyager‘s Tim Russ, he blames his partner Tequila and sets off on an odyssey to retrieve it. Tequila, for his part, tries to make it up to Bonetti by pointing out clues. But being a dog, his surprising detective skills go unnoticed. Their attempts to find the car take them to a fortune teller/massage parlor/escort service run by a Voodoo priestess, a high class car dealership, and a film set. And as they leave a wave of comical destruction behind them, Captain Midian Knight tries his best to smooth things over.

Erik and Justin try to cast a remake of Xanadu. They also consider the work of director James Wan and break down the Tequila and Bonetti credit sequence. Erik analyzes Bonetti’s very specific Italian-American stereotyping. Justin pitches a new bike-cop show called Hart & Dong. He also plays a game of Secret Mexican. Erik is convinced Tequila and Bonetti was trying to create a cast of recurring characters a la The Simpsons and Justin tries to explain why hack screenwriters make poodles the “hot” dog in film and television.

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Tread Perilously — Baywatch: Now Sit Right Back And You’ll Hear A Tale

Tread Perilously introduces Baywatch into its repertoire with one of the most un-Baywatch episodes ever made: “Now Sit Right Back and You’ll Hear a Tale.”

When Eddie bumps his head on a station ramp, he awakens to a fantasy version of his life augmented by his favorite TV show: Gilligan’s Island. When he and Shauni investigate a nearby island, they find Gilligan and Mary Ann (guest stars Bob Denver and Dawn Wells). Returning them to the mainland just as Captain Thorpe wins the lottery, the group decides to go back to the uncharted isle and rescue the rest of the castaways. But when Captain Thorpe’s new yacht encounters a freak storm, Eddie Shauni, Garner, Harvey, and Thorpe — along with Gilligan and Mary Ann — find themselves in a very familiar setting.

Erik and Justin ask the most important question of the hour: where is David Hasselhoff? Ted Danson get evaluated on a number of metrics and Erik notices Baywatch predates the invention of ripped abs. Justin notes the cishet man’s ideal woman correlates with the health of the economy. The discussion somehow makes its way to Bill Clinton, Los Angeles traffic and the OJ Bronco chase. All of which should give you an idea of how successfully this episode Baywatch worked out.

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