By Their Costuming Shall Ye Know Them…?

It’s perhaps unfair to judge a movie based on the evidence of a few leaked (or officially released) stills. I don’t care, I need something to rant about on short notice, and “The Dark Knight Rises” has provided.

Behold, Anne Hathaway as Catwoman.

Seeing these set photos, I hearkened back to a bit of fatherly wisdom my dad once passed on:

“You can do something slow. Or you can do something fast.

Or you can do something half-assed.”

Seriously, what the fuck? Now I realize I’m only going off a pair of pictures here. I have no idea where in the movie they occur, or what context they have. It appears she may have stolen one of Brucie’s cycles, and she may even be wearing a pair of Brucie’s goggles.

Other than that, this costume is completely generic. She might as well be Black Widow, and Black Widow has already made her catsuit-clad feature film debut, and will be doing so again in The Avengers.

"Bitch be stealin' my threads..."

But at least Black Widow’s outfit is pretty much straight out of the comics and features important details like the belt buckle, bracers, and red hair. I could even be more generous and say the whole black, skintight look started with Emma Peel (also technically a member of “The Avengers”) and has been emulated by hundreds of action heroines since. But that’s also the problem: where’s Selena’s signature cowl? Without that cowl, she has nothing to differentiate herself from those masses. It is, to put it mildly, a gigantic fucking mistake. It’s not like the ears would be any more impractical than Batman’s on a costume.

So of course, a possible interjection here is that these pictures represent Selena Kyle before she adopts the full-on Catwoman gimmick. After all, Bruce’s first outing, he was wearing a ski mask. To which I say:

A) Oh holy living fuck, I have to sit through “Catwoman Begins”? I can hope it’ll be handled with less brain-melting stupidity than in Batman Returns, but that’s a real easy hurdle that still leaves room for several strata of suckitude and unnecessarily padded runtime.

B) There’s not even a ski mask.

You know what the greatest thing about Heath Ledger’s Joker was? NO WASTED TIME ON AN ORIGIN STORY. He appeared, fully formed from nightmare, and proceeded to kick all manner of ass, and it really, really didn’t matter where he came from. Even people who’d never heard of The Joker before watching The Dark Knight got the gist of the character just fine.

The same could easily be done with Catwoman. She’s a thrillseeking professional who has grown bored enough with the usual that she decided to spice up her thefts with a little cosplay. Done.

Instead, we apparently are going to be treated to watching her build-up to the moment she decides she needs to put on cat ears. I mean, hopefully. Because leaving her head uncovered is FUCKING RETARDED. You’re a professional burglar and your idea of concealing your identity is putting your real hair up in a loose ponytail? No ski mask, no cowl, no nothing. At least she’s got her eyes covered… but dollars to doughnuts she’s going to have those goggles off so Hathaway can show her pretty eyes. Probably in the middle of a heist.

Keep in mind, one of the big themes of these Batman reboots is a sense of realism and “hey, maybe this *could* happen in our world”. So we’ve got a burglar with a ponytail that’s going to flop around while she’s rappelling towards the diamonds, not to mention the highly increased odds of leaving strands of hair at the crime scene. These are very practical reasons Kyle in the comics keeps her hair hacked very short and stuffed under a tight-fitting hood. People shown this photo without context are, at best, going to ask, “Is that Batgirl?”

It’s not just lazy, it flat out doesn’t make sense. And if no one else will call bullshit, fine: I will.

Hathaway couldn’t even be bothered to cut her goddamn hair for the part. No matter how much you might trust Nolan’s track record, I want you to think about that. That SCREAMS actor vanity at the expense of a character, like when Stallone decided we needed to see Judge Dredd’s face. And we know how well that movie turned out.

But hey, speaking of Dredd, let me wash the taste of nerdrage out of my mouth with a nice series of palate cleansers courtesy of the Judge Dredd reboot in the works.

Now THAT’s some Mega City One goodness. Not to mention I had no idea Karl Urban’s chin was that formidable… but bonus in that the mouth and chin are vowed to be all we will see of Karl Urban in the new movie. This Dredd will not be removing his helmet. He will be 100% the grim, faceless personification of justice that the character was always meant to be.

Judge Anderson (the lady, if you don’t know) does have her helmet off, but she does that all the time in the comics. No big. The Judge uniforms are pretty much spot on… and in a truly ingenious experiment, the movie has partnered up with planetreplicas.com in offering the costumes up for sale to the public. Not just yet, mind you, but at least in time for Hallowe’en… and while the price tag might be hefty, companies like Sideshow Collectibles have shown how much geeks are willing to shell out hundreds or even thousands of dollars for a tiny statue or prop. While I expect the store bought ensembles may be sneered at by veteran DIY cosplayers, it still has the potential to not only be a lucrative offering but one that generates a lot of free publicity while the movie is still months from release.

If this works out, I could see other fantasy/sci-fi movies following suit with their own officially licensed wardrobes, and that’s interesting to ponder. But regardless, these stills have me excited for the Dredd movie in the exact opposite way the Hathaway photos have me turned off.

Ah, but who am I kidding? I’ll have my ass in a seat watching Dark Knight Rises no matter how much they might fuck up Catwoman. It can’t be worse than Halle Berry’s version, right?

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About Clint

Clint Wolf is an opinionated nerd, who writes a comic (Zombie Ranch) about cowboys who wrangle zombies. We didn't claim he made sense. http://cwolf.zxq.net/
This entry was posted in Home of the Bizarre Rant, Nerd Alert, Projected Pixels and Emulsion and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to By Their Costuming Shall Ye Know Them…?

  1. Louis says:

    OK, I’m gonna be the devil’s advocate here, but…

    These are two photos. Without context. And we’re jumping to a whole host of conclusions here. This could be the opening scene of the film, for god’s sake, where she’s IS in the middle of assembling herself as Catwoman.

    Maybe she never becomes Catwoman in the film.

    Until I see some finished, moving footage with sound, I’m leaving all this alone. Almost everything in Hollywood looks stupider behind-the-scenes.

  2. Clint says:

    I did basically say all that at the beginning, so I’m my own Devil’s Advocate.

    And I still want Hathaway to have cut her hair.

    • Clint says:

      Also Erik already confirmed that “Catwoman Begins” is going to be part of TDKR. Maybe he was just trying to get a rise out of me. He succeeded.

  3. Justin says:

    I remember being this upset when I first saw the batpod. Then again, Nolan doesn’t have the best track record with ladies. Remember, he wanted Evan Rachel Wood in Inception.

  4. Pingback: Catching Up | The Satellite Show

  5. Pingback: Realism stops at the shoes | The Satellite Show

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