Tag Archives: the Best Movies Never Made

The Best Movies Never Made

Posted on September 18, 2015 by Justin

Occasionally, I like to make up fake movies that are far too awesome to exist. Sometimes I take things a little too far. ’89 Bullets A cop on the edge. A Jamaican voodoo posse. A rain of lead. The Mighty … Continue reading →

Posted in Level Up, Projected Pixels and Emulsion, Puffery | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Best Movies Never Made: Clown Syndrome

Posted on June 20, 2014 by Justin

Director Eli Roth Writer Justin Robinson Starring Jake Johnson, Donald Glover, Doug Jones, Emo Philips, Wilford Brimley Taglines 2 friends. 1 motel. 1000 clowns. Tonopah, Nevada: a clown without pity. A clown is just makeup. No… listen. A clown is … Continue reading →

Posted in Level Up, Moment of Excellence, Projected Pixels and Emulsion | Tagged , , , , , , | 7 Comments

The Best Movies Never Made: The Velocirapture

Posted on July 12, 2013 by Justin

Director Paul Schrader Writer Justin Robinson and Clinton Wolf Starring Kirk Cameron, Rebecca Gayheart, Sir Ben Kingsley, Nick Offerman, and Lorenzo Lamas as “Jesus Christ” Tagline This summer, sin isn’t just original. It’s primordial. Synopsis War hero Captain Brock Brockman … Continue reading →

Posted in Moment of Excellence, Projected Pixels and Emulsion, Puffery | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments

The Best Movies Never Made: Brometheus

Posted on May 17, 2013 by Justin

Director Ridley Scott Writer Ridley Scott, Damon Lindelof, and Jeff Probst Starring Josh Brolin, Pierce Brosnan, Emily Browning, Brock Lesnar Synopsis A hovering spacecraft that looks almost exactly like a luxury Hummer leaves Earth. A single humanoid alien (Brock Lesnar) … Continue reading →

Posted in Moment of Excellence, Projected Pixels and Emulsion | Tagged , , , , , | 3 Comments

The Best Movies Never Made: Hitlertaur vs. the Apache

Posted on December 14, 2012 by Justin

Director Bill Blakemore, Geoffrey Cocks, Juli Kearns, John Fell Ryan, Jay Weidner Writer
 Bill Blakemore, Geoffrey Cocks, Juli Kearns, John Fell Ryan, Jay Weidner, Stanley Kubrick (credit only) Starring
 Taylor Lautner, Michael Sheen, Tina Fey, Kevin Spacey Synopsis Colorado. The … Continue reading →

Posted in Projected Pixels and Emulsion | Tagged , , , , | 5 Comments

The Best Movies Never Made: Caveman Cop

Posted on August 31, 2012 by Justin

Director Godfrey Ho Writer Amir Shervan Starring Gabriel Gonzaga, Michael Winslow, Maria Conchita Alonso, Taylor Negron, Brigette Neilsen, Edward James Olmos Synopsis Caveman Cop (Gabriel Gonzaga) work Narco in LA. Caveman Cop big. Caveman Cop bad.  Caveman Cop have awesome … Continue reading →

Posted in Projected Pixels and Emulsion | Tagged , , | 7 Comments

The Best Movies Never Made: The Mighty Thor

Posted on April 29, 2011 by Justin

Director Mel Gibson Writer Mel Gibson Starring Alexander Skarsgard, Stellan Skarsgard, Mads Mikkelsen, Peter Stormare Synopsis Scandinavia: 14th Century, where the leading cause of death was Viking dick. Loki (Mikkelsen) frees Garm, the bloodstained watchdog of Hel, awakens the Midgard … Continue reading →

Posted in Projected Pixels and Emulsion | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment