Introducing the Mazda5 Game Project

Last month, my trusty Mazda Protege was rear-ended by someone a half-block from my apartment. Seeing as it was an 11-year-old car, even the modest damage it suffered caused my insurance company to total out the Protege and pay me off. This forced us to move forward early on a plan to get a bigger car for the family. We settled on the Mazda5.

We like the car a lot; it drives well and seats 6 if needed. The one we bought came with a DVD system. We weren’t in the market for one, and frankly don’t need it, but it was the only Mazda5 at the dealership that otherwise fit our needs, so we took it.

A couple of weeks after getting the new car, Queta did some investigating and found that the DVD system also came with a wireless game controller, and 30 games pre-loaded onto it. Usually, a discovery like this would warrant joyous cheers. Then we tested a couple of the games.

What’s the opposite of joyous cheering?

Though I have only sampled a few, I have extrapolated that all the games are cheaply made, sub-NES piles of crap. The controls are terrible, the sound and graphics harsh and grating, and the amount of fun produced from them somehow in the negative range. So, I have decided to do what any sane, non-masochistic person would do in this situation: I’m gonna review them all.

My plan is simple: provide a review of two games each week on this very blog. These will not be in-depth reviews by any means, not only due to time constraints, but also due to the fact that I can’t see myself playing any of these games for any longer than a few minutes before I pull a “nanny from The Omen.”

Me after only four.

Following is the complete list of 30 games, so you have a rough idea of how bad this could get. I don’t plan on going in order; I’ll just pick two that stick out for me each week.

  1. Super Fight 1
  2. Exist
  3. Blob Man
  4. Hitting Mice
  5. Highway Racing
  6. Pop Monster
  7. Table Tennis
  8. Edacity Snakes
  9. Triple
  10. Shooting Balloons
  11. Robot
  12. M Day
  13. Danger Zone
  14. Hua Rong Dao
  15. Aether Fighter
  16. Helli Mission
  17. Final Man
  18. Twin Cards
  19. Archer
  20. Corridor
  21. Horrible Area
  22. Maze Puzzle
  23. Convection
  24. Close Quarters
  25. Pulverize
  26. Diamond
  27. Undersea
  28. Twin Copters
  29. Way Out
  30. Hot Speed

God help me.

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About Louis

SUCKERPUNCH!
This entry was posted in Level Up, Nerd Alert and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Introducing the Mazda5 Game Project

  1. Pingback: The Mazda5 Game Project: Week 1 | The Satellite Show

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