Lament Of An Out-Of-Shape Gamer

So I’m drawing 2011 to a close, and boy are my arms tired.

I think I may have misappropiated that punchline. But it’s true. As of December 15th I got access to start playing The Old Republic MMO and have been making the most of it. Not as fanatically as I might have in the old days… there are bills to pay, groceries to be shopped for, sleep to, err, sleep… but I haven’t been this immersed in a game for some time, and it’s reminded me of something.

I ain’t so young anymore.

Actually, the last time I was intensely part of an MMO wasn’t all that long ago, so come to think, I wasn’t all that much younger. I’d just forgotten the mockery I received for such preventative measures as a wrist brace, or pillows so my bony elbows didn’t suffer from marathons of chair pressure. When the South Park episode lampooning World of Warcraft came out, many acquaintances drew snickering comparisons between myself and the villainous shut-in that was terrorizing Blizzard’s imaginary realms.

I just don't see it...

So maybe, come to think, I wasn’t really up for it back then, either, but man… I just feel out of shape. Not the normal out of shape you people who go “outside” mean, but the kind of out of shape that can’t handle six straight hours of mashing hotkeys, despite any amount of braces, breaks, and the occasional slathering of ointment. I’m out of practice, it seems, after well over a year or two since WoW stopped being even a mild obsession — even though that was a lingering breakup where it took me until late this year to actually cancel my subscription. I can only take comfort that I pulled the plug prior to their new Chuck Norris commercial.

Nothing says "hip" and "relevant" like an ad based on a six-year old meme.

But Bioware comes along, and just like that I’m off the wagon and back to the brace. It doesn’t help that not just one but both of my current occupations require a lot of typing, so the idea of going to work being a break doesn’t really fly.

What’s that you say? Just stop?

Do you realize what you are asking? Do you not understand that when I jump into a group of enemies, lightsabers whirling and blasters blazing, John Williams’ fight music blares out of my speakers and erases all conscious thought in a rush of ecstatic nostalgia that makes me remember again everything I love about Star Wars? It’s really not even about the MMO, is it? My arms are just going to have to understand that their suffering is all for the best.

*Sigh* Besides, fate has intervened. By the time this is published, I will be in San Francisco celebrating late Christmas/NYE with my family, perilously far from the source of my addiction. A few days for the ol’ bod to recover, and when I return, the initial rush may have worn off and there will be a play schedule more suited to a man of advancing years.

It could be worse. At least I didn’t get into Skyrim.

Because this is apparently what happens when you combine a sandbox world with cabbage as a manipulable object.


About Clint

Clint Wolf is an opinionated nerd, who writes a comic (Zombie Ranch) about cowboys who wrangle zombies. We didn't claim he made sense.
This entry was posted in I'm Just Sayin, Level Up, Nerd Alert and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.