Ah, Frank Miller. Comic book legend. Artist, author, Fallen Lord. Somewhere along the line, Frank Miller’s brain sank into his neo-noir world of Sin City, slipping under as surely and irrevocably as the bodies and evidence plopped into its tar pits by its populace. For at least the last decade he’s been stuck in a one-note mode he can’t seem to break free from, and may not even realize he has a problem. The Dark Knight Strikes Again, All-Star Batman & Robin, “The Spirit” movie… you could all but interchange the dialogue and themes in these offerings. I mean, there’s an allowance for style, but then, there’s also the definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.
But as the Yakmala! crew well knows, insanity can also be a fertile ground for comedy gold, and Miller’s repeated, clumsy shoehornings of Sin City into everything he does these days carries a sick fascination. Frank Miller is back on our minds again this time courtesy not of anything he’s done, but because of a CBR article wishing, with a seeming lack of irony, that he be given the Bioshock video game to adapt into a comic series.
“We would love to see what Frank Miller would do with something like “Bioshock.” Can you imagine a twisted black-and-white comic that fleshed out bits and pieces of a backstory, only to then expand into the beautiful (yet troublesome) city of Rapture?”
I can imagine it, sure. It would be Sin City underwater, probably focusing on a vision of “Whoretopia” where the best and brightest of prostitutes are free to live their lives unhindered, yet still strangely fetishized and marginalized. Oh, right, that is Sin City! It’s a natural fit!
Or so I thought, but Justin pitched a fit at the idea for some reason and was ranting about taking tire irons to as many heads as necessary for closure in response to people even bringing up the notion. I guess Frank Miller may be something that’s only funny when it’s happening to someone else, not you or the things you love. Erik, meanwhile, did love the idea (thus craftily toeing the CBR line), but explained his love thusly:
“I haven’t played bioshock, but I’d like to see what Frank Miller would do with anything: scrambled eggs, Tolstoy, the Mahabharata, The Yellow Kid, Porgy and Bess, and the Snorks to name a few.”
Well, again, the answer is simple: they would all, somehow, be made into Sin City. It’s the somehow that’s the fascinating part. The subject of Frank Miller’s Doctor Who came up, and spawned quite a few surmisings of what might it might contain:
- The Doctor swimming past a giant hallucination of his Companions’ heads mounted on walls…
- “My TARDIS. She gives me EVERYTHING I need.”
- The Master has developed a strange and inexplicable obsession with eggs.
- “My continuum screams…”
- The Daleks are in service to The Master. They are borderline retarded and used as attempts at comic relief. In one memorable scene, a Dalek rants about how it will check into the hospital pretending to be one of the “homeLESS-ES!”
- “The Universe … she is my lover, my mother … and I am her Doctor.”
Actually all of these are thinly veiled references to “The Spirit”, but since The Spirit is merely a thinly veiled Sin City, you see how it works. Also, I highly recommend the original Will Eisner comics for many reasons, but among them is so that you can see just how little of them survived the “Milling process”, despite Miller being a longtime friend of the creator professing love for the creation.
So Frank Miller in modern times is the most predictable of punchlines, but still one of the most entertaining. Attach Frank Miller to any project (including, yes, the making of scrambled eggs) and you can be certain of what you will get, but you will still be wondering what the hell Sin City looks like in scrambled egg form. Just, perhaps, so long as you’re not required to actually swallow the meal.
And before I go, I present a pair of pages from Schulz City: That Yellow Shirted Such-and-Such, which quite expertly envisions the end result of Frank Miller’s Peanuts. For proper credit, the originals are to be found here and here (art by Timothy Lim, script by Jean Luc Pham), but I’m making it easy on those of you too lazy to click. Are you dense? Are you retarded or something? He’s the Goddamned Blockhead.