My baby can kick your baby’s ass!

So here I am eating lunch a few weeks back at The Oinkster, (one of my favorite LA chow houses). I sit on the patio, enjoying the gorgeous Southern California sun and probably the best pastrami sandwich I’ve had eons when two very well dressed ladies (maybe in their late 30’s, I guess) with baby strollers arrive and take the table next to me. By their appearance, they gave the impression of bored, wealthy, Pasadena housewives trying to be lower class chic and eating with the “regular folk”, but then I thought maybe I’m wrong and I shouldn’t judge.

Well my assumption was right and they spend what seems like an eternity taking turns campaigning for how “special” their precious little wonder of life is and all the accomplishments their one year old has made (considering they can’t walk or talk and constantly shit themselves.)

Unfortunately for me, The Oinkster at 1pm on a Friday is packed to the gills, and finding another open table is near impossible. So I just had to suck up the bad luck I was having and finish my meal as quickly as I could.

But what happens next made me want to projectile vomit into their high end Louis Vuitton bags. They take the sleeping babies out of their strollers to show what name brand “onesies” they are wearing and begin to uncomfortably talk louder and louder over each other, in the form of “civil disagreement” but was really more like two inmates yelling at each other from across their cells. I actually found myself compelled to say something, but was literally frozen in shock watching these two hens squawk at each other.

Now I feel I need to put this out there, Dante loves the younglings. I think kids are great. I really do. Many of my friends with kids will tell you the same. I think they are genuine and come into this world with tons of trust that their care givers are telling them and teaching them the right things.

Which makes what I’m watching unfold in front of me so hard to take. So I did what nobody else around us had the balls to do, I asked them if they could stop yelling so the rest of us could enjoy our food in peace. Of course for the first couple of seconds they gave me the “how dare you peasant” look. But then had the sack to tell I should move if I didn’t want to hear what they are cackling on about.

Now those who know me can vouch that I am not the confrontational black guy that reality shows paint us all out to be. Don’t get me wrong, I will handle my business if and when the time calls for it, believe that, but I don’t go actively go looking for fights or quarrels to get into.

But I found myself now in the position of taking a stand for those of us who have to put up with this asinine shit all the time. I basically told these “ladies”, that what they are doing is annoying the hell out of every one around them and to just agree that both of their babies are God’s little womb present. And they both sat there stunned and silent. I knew they would not be able to come back from that. They pretty much immediately left, and on top of that, one of the tables sitting nearby actually bought me a beer.

The problem is, We live in this age of “Baby Worship” where kids are constantly “getting” instead of “giving,” playing sports where they don’t keep score so nobody is seen as a “loser”, and most importantly, kids are not receiving the gift of ASS WHOOPINS that I got when I was a wee lad. If it weren’t for a regular dose of the rod not being spared, who knows where I would be right now? What happened to daddy’s belt, or fetching a switch off the tree for mom?

Parents like these two women not only spoil their children, they pretty much ruin them. Baby Worship has sucked away something our country needs to find again, SHAME! See shame was put in place for a reason by the “Powers That Be”. Our society needs shame like we need air and water. Cause without the blessing of shame,


It really all comes down to this, I think it’s great that you have a child who maybe years ahead of his or her time. He or she may be the next Bill Gates, Michael Jordan, or Mariah Carey.

but the thing you have to always remember is this, no matter how extraordinary your crib midget is, “WE DON’T CARE NEARLY AS MUCH AS YOU WANT US TO”! I’m not to trying to be an ass, I’m just sayin.

About Dante

My rage is inspired by great men such as Wally George, Huel Howser, and Dr. Gene Scott!
This entry was posted in I'm Just Sayin, Just Wrong, Week in Rage. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.